Dating Culture in Taiwan vs. the US ft. Jane Liu | Real You Mandarin Podcast EP04

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When Jane Liu and I sat down to talk about dating culture, I went in thinking I had a decent grasp of how things work in Taiwan. I grew up watching my cousins date. I've seen Meteor Garden more times than I'd like to admit. But Jane, who co-created the Real You Mandarin: Beginnings course with me and lives in Taiwan, set me straight on a lot of things. What I thought I knew was basically my parents' generation. Modern Taiwan? Totally different story.

What ABCs Get Wrong About Taiwanese Dating

This is something I've actually talked about on my other podcast, But Where Are You Really From?, which covers Asian-American identity. A lot of American-Born Chinese (ABCs) and American-Born Taiwanese (ABTs) have an image of Taiwanese dating culture that's frozen in time, shaped entirely by what our parents told us or what we saw growing up. My impression was that it was all very 單純 / 单纯 / dān chún / innocent and wholesome. You'd go on a couple of dates, hold hands, and suddenly you were in a committed relationship. No gray area, no "what are we?" conversations.

Jane confirmed that this used to be pretty accurate. She grew up watching the same Taiwanese dramas we did, and the expectation was clear: you like someone, you don't touch them, you wait for the 告白 / gào bái / confession. In Taiwan, a "confession" isn't just admitting you have feelings. It's the moment someone formally asks, "will you be my girlfriend?" or "do you want to be with me?" Until that happens, you're not together. There's no ambiguity.

The Confession vs. "Define the Relationship"

This is where it gets interesting for those of us who grew up in the U.S. In American dating culture, you might go out with someone for weeks or even months before having "the talk." You could be seeing each other regularly, but until someone explicitly defines the relationship, you're technically still in the casual zone. Jane and I realized that the American "DTR" (define the relationship) conversation and the Taiwanese 告白 / gào bái serve a similar purpose, but the timing and expectations around them are completely different.

In Taiwan, the confession often comes early. You might only go on two or three dates before someone asks you to be their partner. And once you're together, that's it. You're exclusive. In the U.S., the process is way more drawn out, and exclusivity isn't assumed until both people agree on it. Plus, in American culture, it's not always the guy who initiates that conversation. A lot of the time, it's the woman who says, "so, what are we?"

Dating Apps Changed Everything (and Nothing)

Jane shared how 交友軟體 / 交友软体 / jiāo yǒu ruǎn tǐ / dating apps have started shifting things in Taiwan, but not as much as you might think. Growing up, Taiwanese parents drilled it into their kids: don't meet 網友 / 网友 / wǎng yǒu / people from the internet. The internet was associated with danger and 詐騙 / 诈骗 / zhà piàn / scams.

That stigma has faded somewhat, and dating apps are now common in Taiwan. But even with apps in the picture, many of Jane's friends still won't 發生關係 / 发生关系 / fā shēng guān xì / become intimate with someone until they've received the official confession. They want some kind of commitment first, a sense of 保障 / bǎo zhàng / security or guarantee that the other person is serious. The fear is that without that commitment, the other person might just disappear or become 冷淡 / lěng dàn / cold and distant afterward.

For ABCs, this is useful to understand, especially if you're dating someone from Taiwan or navigating conversations about relationships with family. The vocabulary and the cultural expectations around dating are deeply intertwined, and using the wrong word in the wrong context can send a message you didn't intend.

Key Vocab From This Episode

約會 / 约会 | yuē huì (to go on a date / dating)

告白 | gào bái (confession of romantic feelings, to ask someone to be in a relationship)

談戀愛 / 谈恋爱 | tán liàn ài (to be in a relationship / to fall in love)

交友軟體 / 交友软体 | jiāo yǒu ruǎn tǐ (dating app)

冷淡 | lěng dàn (cold / distant (emotionally))

開放 / 开放 | kāi fàng (open / liberal)

發生關係 / 发生关系 | fā shēng guān xī (to become intimate / to have sex)

單純 / 单纯 | dān chún (pure / innocent / wholesome)

These are all words from the actual episode, not textbook vocabulary, but the kind of words that come up when you're talking about real life in Mandarin.

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