How to Talk About Aging Parents in Mandarin ft. Crystal Hsia | Real You Mandarin Podcast EP17

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When Crystal and I sat down to talk about caring for aging parents, we realized pretty quickly that this is one of those topics most of us have lived through but never had the Mandarin vocabulary to actually discuss. Needless to say, this conversation got real personal, real fast.

Why This Topic Hits Different for Heritage Speakers

If you're an American-Born Chinese (ABC) or American-Born Taiwanese (ABT) in your 30s or above, chances are your parents are getting older and you're starting to think about that fact more and more. Health issues are popping up, hospital visits are becoming more frequent, and suddenly you're the one sitting in the doctor's office translating between English and Chinese because your parents aren't fully comfortable navigating the medical system in English. Yet you don't know half the medical vocabulary in Chinese to help.

That's exactly where I found myself recently. I was at the hospital with my mom, trying to translate what the doctor was saying back to her, and then translating her questions back to the doctor. The timing was pretty coincidental, because we were literally about to launch the Caring For Aging Parents module in our Real You Mandarin: Self-Expression course right when I was living through it in real life.

The Vocabulary Gap That Actually Matters

Crystal and I talk about how this topic is one that our Asian families tend to 避而不談 / 避而不谈 / bì ér bù tán / to deliberately avoid discussing. Part of that is definitely cultural. Conversations about aging, end-of-life planning, and medical decisions are treated as taboo for many of our families. Crystal shared that growing up in Taiwan, her parents would tell her to look away from funerals, as if even acknowledging death might bring bad luck. That kind of superstition runs deep.

But the other part is linguistic. Even if you want to have these conversations with your parents in Chinese, most of us simply don't have the words. We don't know how to say "primary caregiver" or "end-of-life planning," or even "surgery" in Mandarin. And these aren't casual vocabulary gaps. These are the words you need when something serious happens and there's no time to look things up.

Filial Piety vs. Setting Boundaries

One of the most interesting parts of our conversation was when Crystal broke down the word 孝順 / 孝顺 / xiào shùn / filial piety into its two characters: 孝 / xiào (honoring and caring for your parents) and 順 / 顺 / shùn (being obedient to them). She called it a philosophical question: do you prioritize the caring part, or the obedience part? For a lot of us who grew up in the West, those two things can feel like they're in direct conflict with one another. We want to take care of our parents, but we also grew up learning to speak directly in the West, to face hard conversations head-on and to plan ahead. Our parents' generation often prefers not to talk about these things at all.

The Art of the Cultural Workaround

My favorite moment was when Crystal shared a strategy for actually getting your parents to engage with these difficult topics. Instead of confronting them directly (which usually backfires), you bring up what other people's parents are doing. "Hey, did you hear Auntie Wang next door just did this thing? Maybe you should consider it too." Crystal laughed and said it's a little stereotypical, but it works because our parents' generation loves comparing themselves to others. So you use that to your advantage.

We also got into how Chinese is full of 委婉語 / 委婉语 / wěi wǎn yǔ / euphemisms, especially around the concept of death, to the point of Crystal telling me that cemeteries in Taiwan are now even being referred to as "life parks!"

Key Vocab From This Episode

年邁的父母 / 年迈的父母 | nián mài de fù mǔ (aging/elderly parents)

主要照顧者 / 主要照顾者 | zhǔ yào zhào gù zhě (primary caregiver)

孝順 / 孝顺 | xiào shùn (filial piety)

避而不談 / 避而不谈 | bì ér bù tán (to deliberately avoid a topic)

口譯 / 口译 | kǒu yì (to interpret, i.e., oral translation)

委婉語 / 委婉语 | wěi wǎn yǔ (euphemism)

生後規劃 / 生后规划 | shēng hòu guī huà (end-of-life planning)

針鋒相對 / 针锋相对 | zhēn fēng xiāng duì (to be confrontational / head-to-head)

These are all words from the actual episode, not textbook vocabulary, but the kind of words that come up when you're talking about real life in Mandarin.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If this episode resonated with you and you want to go deeper, this is exactly the kind of content we cover in our course Real You Mandarin: Self-Expression. It's 5 modules, 43 video lessons, and 1300+ flashcards covering everything from expressing your emotions and navigating interpersonal relationships to parenting, aging parents, and self-growth. Basically, all the conversations that actually matter in your life.

Not sure if it's for you yet? Try a free lesson first. No commitment, just a taste of what learning Mandarin can feel like when the content is actually relevant to your life.

Get the Full Transcript

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