Interpersonal Relationships in Mandarin ft. Crystal Hsia: What ABCs Actually Need to Know | Real You Mandarin Podcast EP10

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When Crystal and I sat down to talk about interpersonal relationships for this episode, we knew it was going to get real. This is one of those topics where American-Born Chinese (ABCs) and American-Born Taiwanese (ABTs) feel the gap between their English brain and their Chinese brain the most. You can talk about setting boundaries, expressing needs, and navigating conflict with your therapist in English no problem. But try doing that in Mandarin with your parents, your partner, or your family back in the motherland, and suddenly you're ten years old again.

Why Talking About Relationships in Chinese Is So Hard for Us

This episode is a big one for me personally, because it ties directly into the second module of our Real You Mandarin: Self-Expression course, which covers interpersonal relationships and dynamics. Crystal and I get into why this particular topic hits different for people who grew up between two cultures.

One of the things we talk about early on is how emotions are handled in Asian versus Western culture. It's not that our parents' generation suppressed emotions entirely. Crystal put it really well. In Taiwan, the culture didn't necessarily discourage emotions, but it didn't encourage expressing them either. Growing up, if you cried, the attitude was more like: Ok, cry it out, get it together, and come back to do what you need to do. Emotions were secondary. Getting things done was primary. And that way of thinking probably shaped how you learned to communicate in Chinese. You ended up with a language that, for you at least, doesn't have the vocabulary for emotional nuance.

Then you move to the American side of your life, where everyone's asking how you feel, where therapy culture is everywhere, where your friends want to process things together, and you develop this whole emotional vocabulary and communication style in English. But when it comes time to have those same conversations in Chinese, whether with your parents, with relatives, or even with a partner who speaks Mandarin, you're stuck.

Crystal and I also talk about how the vocabulary in this module covers things like expressing love and needs, 設立界線 / 设立界线 / shè lì jiè xiàn / setting boundaries, giving feedback, handling criticism, apologizing, and even planning for the future. These are all real-life skills that come up in your closest relationships, whether that's with a romantic partner, family members, or close friends. The vocabulary applies everywhere, but we framed it around intimate relationships because that's where the stakes are highest. As Crystal said, you can't be fighting with the people closest to you every single day.

What really stood out to me in this conversation was when Crystal talked about how bilingual people essentially have two brains that are constantly being stimulated. When you switch between languages, you're not just swapping words. You're switching entire ways of thinking and feeling. And for many of us, the emotional side of our brain was developed in English, while our Chinese brain stayed frozen at whatever age we stopped actively nurturing it. That's what makes learning this kind of vocabulary so meaningful. It's not just about words. It's about becoming a fuller version of yourself in both languages.

Key Vocab From This Episode

人際關係 / 人际关系 | rén jì guān xī (interpersonal relationships)

壓抑 / 压抑 | yā yì (to suppress, i.e., emotions)

情感的回應 / 情感的回应 | qíng gǎn de huí yīng (emotional response)

克制 | kè zhì (to restrain / to exercise self-control)

設立界線 / 设立界线 | shè lì jiè xiàn (to set boundaries)

利害關係 / 利害关系 | lì hài guān xī (stakes / vital interest)

言歸正傳 / 言归正传 | yán guī zhèng zhuàn (back to the point (idiom))

達到平衡 / 达到平衡 | dá dào píng héng (to achieve balance)

These are all words from the actual episode, not textbook vocabulary, but the kind of words that come up when you're talking about real life in Mandarin.

Shoutout to Crystal Hsia, who co-created our Self-Expression course and always makes these conversations feel safe and real.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If this episode resonated with you and you want to go deeper, this is exactly the kind of content we cover in our course Real You Mandarin: Self-Expression. It's 5 modules, 43 video lessons, and 1300+ flashcards covering everything from expressing your emotions and navigating interpersonal relationships to parenting, aging parents, and self-growth. Basically, all the conversations that actually matter in your life.

Not sure if it's for you yet? Try a free lesson first. No commitment, just a taste of what learning Mandarin can feel like when the content is actually relevant to your life.

Get the Full Transcript

Want the full transcript of this episode in Traditional Chinese, Simplified Chinese, Pinyin, and English with key vocab highlighted? Check out our Podcast Transcript Membership. Or download the free EP1 transcript to see what it's like.

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