Taboo Topics & Common Mistakes ABCs Make in Mandarin ft. Jane Liu | Real You Mandarin Podcast EP05

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When Jane Liu and I recorded this episode, I genuinely did not expect to learn that many of us have probably accidentally been saying something sexual to people for years. But that's exactly what happened. This episode covers 禁忌話題 / 禁忌话题 / jìn jì huà tí / taboo topics, and more specifically, the common Mandarin mistakes that American-Born Chinese (ABCs) and American-Born Taiwanese (ABTs) make because we think in English first and translate into Chinese without realizing the nuances we're missing.

The "Comfortable" Mistake You're Probably Making

The first pair of words Jane broke down was 舒服 / shū fú versus 自在 / zì zài. In English, both can translate to "comfortable." So naturally, we use 舒服 / shū fú for everything. The problem? 舒服 / shū fú is primarily about physical sensation. Your house is 舒服 / shū fú because your body feels relaxed there. A massage is 舒服 / shū fú because it physically feels good.

So when you say to someone, "你讓我覺得很舒服 / 你让我觉得很舒服 / nǐ ràng wǒ jué dé hěn shū fú" (you make me feel very comfortable), you're not saying what you think you're saying. Depending on the context and how the person receives it, you could be implying that the person did something to your body that felt good. Jane put it bluntly: it sounds sexual. What you probably meant was 自在 / zì zài, which is about feeling free to be yourself, no 拘束 / jū shù / restrictions. You can say what you want, act naturally, and not feel like you're performing. Jane gave the example of going to your boyfriend's parents' house for the first time. You wouldn't feel 自在 / zì zài, because you'd have to put on a front. The real you wouldn't be there.

This distinction doesn't exist cleanly in English, which is exactly why we mess it up. When we think "comfortable" in English, we grab the first Chinese word we learned, 舒服 / shū fú, and use it everywhere. But the 細微差別 / 细微差别 / xì wéi chā bié / nuance between these two words matters, and getting it wrong can lead to some genuinely awkward moments.

"Want to Meet Up?" vs. "Want to Hook Up?"

The second mistake is even more dangerous. In Chinese, 約 / 约 / yuē can mean "to make plans" or "to meet up." But on its own, especially in the context of dating apps, it defaults to 約砲 / 约炮 / yuē pào, which means "to hook up." Jane explained that Chinese is a 簡略 / 简略 / jiǎn lüè / concise language. When you shorten things, context fills in the blanks, and on a dating app, the assumed context is clear.

So if you text someone "要不要約? / 要不要约? / yào bú yào yuē" (want to meet up?), they might hear "want to hook up?" What you should say instead is "要不要約出去玩? / 要不要约出去玩? / yào bú yào yuē chū chù wán" (want to hang out?) or "約見面 / 约见面 / yuē jiàn miàn" (meet up to see each other). The extra words completely change the meaning. This is one of those things that no textbook teaches you, but getting it wrong could be genuinely embarrassing.

Reporting Good News, Hiding Bad News

The last topic we covered was a cultural concept more than a vocabulary mistake: 報喜不報憂 / 报喜不报忧 / bào xǐ bú bào yōu, which literally translates to "report happiness, don't report worry." It's the deeply ingrained cultural norm of only sharing good news with your family and keeping struggles to yourself.

Jane explained that this comes partly from 迷信 / mí xìn / superstition, the idea that talking about bad things might invite more bad things, and partly from a cultural emphasis on not burdening others with your problems. For ABCs, this concept is probably familiar even if we've never heard the phrase. Many of us grew up in families where you didn't talk about mental health, financial stress, or relationship problems. You put on a brave face and keep the hard stuff private. Hearing Jane name this pattern and explain the cultural roots behind it gave me language for something I've experienced my whole life but could never articulate in Chinese.

Why This Matters for Heritage Speakers

What I took away from this conversation is that so many of the mistakes we make in Chinese aren't really about vocabulary. They're about the gap between how English works and how Chinese works, how meaning lives in context, in word pairings, in what you leave out as much as what you include. When we translate directly from English, we miss these layers. And the result isn't just sounding awkward. Sometimes it completely changes what we're communicating.

Key Vocab From This Episode

禁忌話題 / 禁忌话题 | jìn jì huà tí (taboo topic)

自在 | zì zài (comfortable / emotionally, free to be yourself)

拘束 | jū shù (restricted / restrained)

細微差別 / 细微差别 | xì wéi chā bié (nuance / subtle difference)

約砲 / 约炮 | yuē pào (to hook up)

報喜不報憂 / 报喜不报忧 | bào xǐ bù bào yōu (to report only good news, not bad news)

迷信 | mí xìn (superstition / superstitious)

上下文 | shàng xià wén (context; literally: the words before and after)

These are all words from the actual episode, not textbook vocabulary, but the kind of words that come up when you're talking about real life in Mandarin.

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