Talking About Self-Growth in Mandarin ft. Crystal Hsia | Real You Mandarin Podcast EP19

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When Crystal and I sat down to talk about self-growth, we both knew this was going to be a big one. This is the final module of our Real You Mandarin: Self-Expression course, and it's the topic I've been most excited about sharing. Not because it's the easiest to discuss in Chinese, but because it's the hardest and most personally meaningful for me.

Why Self-Growth Is So Hard to Talk About in Chinese

Here's something I admitted in the episode: the reason this module exists is partly selfish. I started my own self-growth journey when I was 28, and ever since then I've been trying to talk about these concepts with everyone close to me, including with my family. Therapy, emotional regulation, setting boundaries, manifestation... these are ideas that many of us American-Born Chinese (ABCs) and American-Born Taiwanese (ABTs) have been engaging with for years in English, but try bringing them up with your parents in Mandarin and you'll hit a wall almost immediately.

Crystal shared something that really resonated with me. She said that when she was writing the course materials for this module, she realized that a lot of self-growth concepts were essentially "created" in the English-speaking world and then translated into Chinese. The vocabulary exists in Mandarin, but the cultural framework around it is still relatively new in Taiwan and China. So when you try to discuss things like "finding yourself" with older generations, the response you often get is: When did we have time to think about this? We were too busy working to "find ourselves."

The Generational Divide

This was one of the most honest parts of our conversation. Crystal talked about how the communication gap between our generation and our parents' generation is real, and it goes beyond just language. Our parents often see self-growth talk as 庸人自擾 / 庸人自扰 / yōng rén zì rǎo / creating problems out of nothing. They hear us talking about our feelings and think we're being dramatic. Crystal said she's seen this response even among some of her Taiwanese friends, not just older generations.

But the thing is, many of us have been through therapy. We've identified our triggers and our traumas, and at some point we want to talk to our parents about how certain things from childhood affected us. Not to blame them. Crystal and I both agree on that. We bring up the past not to blame our parents, but to make the relationship better going forward.

When Your Parents Say You're "Dredging Up the Past"

One of my favorite vocabulary moments was when Crystal taught me the phrase 翻舊帳 / 翻旧账 / fān jiù zhàng, which literally refers to flipping through old account books, but figuratively means "dredging up past grievances." She said this is what your parents might say when you try to have these deeper conversations. "You're bringing up old stuff again."

But as Crystal pointed out, our course materials address this directly. The module teaches you how to frame these conversations in a way that makes it clear: we're not looking at the past to attack you. We're looking at the past so our present relationship can be better. That reframe is everything. And having the actual Chinese vocabulary to express it makes the conversation possible in a way it wasn't before.

The Tools You Didn't Know You Were Missing

In this episode, I share that years ago, when I first started wanting to talk about these topics with my parents, it was incredibly difficult. Not because I didn't understand the concepts, but because I didn't have the tools. The Chinese vocabulary for emotional regulation, for self-awareness, for expressing how something made you feel. Without those words, you're navigating an already difficult conversation completely unarmed.

That's what this whole module, and really the whole course, is designed to fix. We're not teaching you what to think or feel. We're giving you the vocabulary so that when you're ready to have these conversations, language isn't the thing holding you back.

Key Vocab From This Episode

自我成長 / 自我成长 | zì wǒ chéng zhǎng (self-growth / personal development)

情緒穩定 / 情绪稳定 | qíng xù wěn dìng (emotional stability)

翻舊帳 / 翻旧账 | fān jiù zhàng (to dredge up past grievances)

尋找自己 / 寻找自己 | xún zhǎo zì jǐ (to find yourself / self-discovery)

觸發點 / 触发点 | chù fā diǎn (trigger / trigger point)

責怪 / 责怪 | zé guài (to blame)

庸人自擾 / 庸人自扰 | yōng rén zì rǎo (to create unnecessary worry / making problems out of nothing)

開明 / 开明 | kāi míng (open-minded / receptive)

These are all words from the actual episode, not textbook vocabulary, but the kind of words that come up when you're talking about real life in Mandarin.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If this episode resonated with you and you want to go deeper, this is exactly the kind of content we cover in our course Real You Mandarin: Self-Expression. It's 5 modules, 43 video lessons, and 1300+ flashcards covering everything from expressing your emotions and navigating interpersonal relationships to parenting, aging parents, and self-growth. Basically, all the conversations that actually matter in your life.

Not sure if it's for you yet? Try a free lesson first. No commitment, just a taste of what learning Mandarin can feel like when the content is actually relevant to your life.

Get the Full Transcript

Want the full transcript of this episode in Traditional Chinese, Simplified Chinese, Pinyin, and English with key vocab highlighted? Check out our Podcast Transcript Membership. Or download the free EP1 transcript to see what it's like.

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